The Miracle

Let me preface this by saying that every time I talk to Dottie, my mother, I can't always hear what she is saying because my brain is just going FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK. Here's a prime example why.  This is an actual conversation.  I am not making it up.

Dottie asks me if I want to hear about a miracle.  "I know you'll love this, being so religious and all."

I, of course, can't fucking wait to hear.  Hell, Lot's wife could have very well absorbed all the moisture in the basement and walked her salty ass right up through the holes in the floor.

Dottie: "So I'm working in my studio and the sun is setting and it's the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen.  So I get my camera and go outside... (here she sidetracks into some story about all the cats sitting on the other side of the road...fffffffffffuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkk... "and they look so peaceful just grooming themselves"......FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK...) "and then I see this vision.  It's the Virgin Mother and her baby."

Me: "Uh-huh."

Dottie:  "They're sitting on those pieces of wood, over by the bike trail."

Me: "Uh-huh."

Dottie: "They're statuary."

Me: "Uh-huh."

Dottie: "So I get the neighbors to help me move them."

Me: "Uh-huh."

Dottie: "So now I've got Mary sitting on the hill, watching over my gourds I'm growing."

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKK

Me: "So you stole the Virgin Mary?"

Dottie: " No, I didn't steal her.  She's in a very public place.  Besides, you know what those kids would do to her around here."

Um, steal her?